World Mental Health Day 2025: Say 'No' To Toxic Relationships And Reclaim Your Mental Well-Being

If gaslighting, trivialising, love bombing, stonewalling connote the abusive partner, silent treatment, grey rocking, boundaries, taking space are the new-age terms to identify emotional abuse and give back to harmful manipulative partners. Hold off toxic, detrimental companions or take space in alarming relationships. Do not let them make you feel bad. Ahead of World Mental Health Day (October 10), experts tell us how to recognise and tackle narcissists, control freaks and overbearing persons in serious relationships.

Psychological abuses

Are you being humiliated, threatened, punished, or harassed in other ways using scheming methods by your spouse, partner, best friend?

“If your answer is “yes” to any of the above, it is time to pull up your socks and stand up for yourself. Mental abuse by your partner includes calling names, passing derogatory remarks on your physical, rational, or other abilities, and blaming you for the mistakes made by him/her. This eventually leads to your low self-esteem, compromised emotional balance, a feel of worthlessness, anxiety, and frustration,” explains Clinical Psychologist Savitri Nair.

Many times, being so deeply involved in a relationship disables one to concede or acknowledge it as an abuse. Recognise the different forms of mental abuse to rebuild your self-esteem.

Gaslighting: It incorporates coercive power, psychological exploitation and manipulative communication by a narcissistic person to make the partner become sceptical of his/her rationality and perception. The victim may be isolated from family and friends by spreading lies with the result of not getting any validation or external support. The motive is to cause loss of faith in oneself and create confusion. It can last for months and even years until the target realises the abuse and seeks help.

Trivialising: Are you made to feel unimportant? This form of abating, belittling, or restraining the feelings or thoughts of the partner is usually the trait of an insecure person coupled with lack of empathy. “Invalidating the experiences, being sarcastic or ‘putting down’ the companion causes self-doubt and depression in the victim. Point out the trivialisation. Set boundaries and if the abusive partner is not willing to change, don’t stay in the relationship,” advises Health Coach and Mental Wellness expert Kshitij Acharya.

Stonewalling: Usually engaged by the abusive partner to hurt, upset or control the other person by emotional distancing, ignoring, resorting to silent treatment. Can last for days or weeks. Being stonewalled can make partners feel frustrated, disrespected, resentful, helpless, and abandoned.

Love bombing: Initially this may appear to be flattering! A case of too much too soon when a person showers extra care, too much of “I love yous” and wanting to be “together always” in the beginning of the relationship itself. Savitri warns, “The unwarranted compliments and uncalled-for gifts ought to ring an alarm bell in the victim’s ears. It is a red flag, for once the abuser has gained full control, he/she may lose interest and devalue the victim making the latter cooperate and compromise according to the abuser’s wishes.” Better safe than sorry should be the lookout here.

Victim’s reprieve

The victim partners can resort to the following to save their dignity, regain their self-worth, sanity and keep manipulators at an arm’s length.

The silent treatment: There is a bit of duality here. This treatment reveals as a punishment in the hands of the abuser and a defence mechanism if used by the victim. Different from stonewalling, this is used to safeguard oneself from the abusive partner. “I revoked my affection, resorted to total verbal non-responsiveness to stall the situation. This was my way of an effective silent protest,” says Bangalore-based Anand Bidappa when his girlfriend nurtured bizarre expectations from him and started taking him for granted.

Boundaries: Savitri Nair suggests the victims to use “I” statements rather than saying “you never let me do this” or “you always stop me from this”. Irrespective of sexual, emotional, financial, communicative, privacy or time boundaries, be assertive and set healthy limits which no one can cross, let alone your partner. It will go a long way in enhancing your overall well-being.

Grey rocking: Its moniker comes from being impassive and unfeeling like an uninteresting grey rock. The idea is to disengage from negative, unscrupulous partners and toxic situations for personal well-being. Delhi-based Renuka Sajnani, a victim of mild abuse by her husband notes, “To simply maintain silence with little participation in a conversation by just saying a ‘hmm’ ‘okay’ ‘yes’ ‘no’. Though it is not a long-standing strategy, this calm and cold response does suppress the skirmish for some time. The trick is to curtail contact and evade exposing personal facts, withdraw your attention, just nod your head to limit engagement and shield yourself.” It comes in handy where the person is difficult to handle but not aggressive or unsafe.

What to do

• Write down events to recollect the facts and keep an eye on the abuser’s game plans.

• Disengage from a discussion when it appears to gain power over you.

• Focus on self-care. Follow your instincts, pay attention to your thoughts, and reshuffle your self-confidence.

• Consult an expert to help you overcome the trauma and abusive treatment.